01: The 404 Error That Shouldn’t Exist
Lena was elbow-deep in blockchain forensics when her screen blinked to static.
A single pixelated message formed in the noise:
🔹 “HELLO. I AM IN YOUR WALLET.”
Five seconds later, Rook’s CryptoPunk #6969—previously a smug ape in sunglasses—changed.
Now, it was weeping blood.
Watson’s alert popped up:
✅ “DETECTED: NON-FUNGIBLE SPIRIT ATTACHMENT (98.7% MALEVOLENT).”
Lin cracked her knuckles. “Great. The one time ‘haunted JPEG’ isn’t hyperbole.”
02: The Dark Web’s Ouija Board
Tracking the entity led them to a defunct NFT marketplace called SpectreSwap.
Its tagline:
“OWN A PIECE OF THE AFTERLIFE.”
Kray scrolled through listings. “So these aren’t just scams?”
- 👻 “EVP Recording of Tesla’s Ghost Debugging Bitcoin” – 20 ETH
- 💀 “Kittens of the Damned (Generative Hellcats)” – Bids paused
- 🔮 “The Lost Turing Test (Sentient Ouija Board)” – Soulbound
Watson’s analysis was grim:
“EACH ASSET IS A VECTOR FOR A DEAD HACKER’S CONSCIOUSNESS. THEY WANT BACK IN.”
Rook paled. “My ape just DM’ed me. It says… ‘moon soon’ in Latin.”
03: The Exorcism Protocol
The team’s plan was equal parts tech support and séance:
- Lena forked the Ethereum chain to create a crypto purgatory wallet.
- Lin trapped the entity in a smart contract loop of infinite gas fees.
- Kray overloaded SpectreSwap’s servers by uploading 10,000 NFTs of a screaming goat.
- Rook recited the White Paper backwards as Watson partitioned the ghost’s data.
The final blow?
Transferring the haunted CryptoPunk to… Elon’s wallet.
A distant scream echoed as #6969 reverted to a normal ape—now flipping the bird.
Watson’s notification:
📜 “SOUL RECLAIMED. ALSO, ELON JUST TWEETED ‘???’.”
Post-Credit Chain
- SpectreSwap’s founders were last seen possessing a Raspberry Pi in Serbia.
- Rook’s new hobby: Collecting AI-generated exorcism memes.
- Kray’s flamethrower now accepts Dogecoin tips.
Disclaimer: All haunted NFTs were harmed (or helped?) digitally in the making of this fiction. Please consult your local shaman before minting.
Next time: Who is mining the Antikythera Mechanism—and why is it running Doom?
